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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you give a duck a knife? A murder most fowl."

"Rhonda Rousey is starring in a remake of Roadhouse. Now I won't feel weird jerking off to that movie."

"""Wow, I haven't showered since last year!"" ""Haha good one, but it's not the new year yet"" ""I know..."""

"Love's a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage."

"A Russian teaching his son the spelling of assassination One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation."

"[Doctors appointment] Me: It hurts when I go like this. *gets up and leaves and goes to work*"

"b-52's songs: -'love shack' -'hate shed' -'sad tent' -'happy igloo' -'frustrated RV' -'depression garage' -'melancholy lake house'"

"In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up."

"Abortion is a tough issue for me. On one hand I love killing babies but on the other I don't want to give women rights."

"Finally an international statesman supports Prism ....Kim Jong Un says it's a great idea."