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Joke of the Day

"A Russian teaching his son the spelling of assassination One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation."

"My Phone autocorrected ""wish you were here"" to ""wish you were beer"" and I sent it anyways"

"[girlfriend finally texts back] ME: i'm so mad at you. HER: i'm naked come over. ME: i'm not really mad i was jk lol omw babe"

"I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day."

"What is the river of negation called? The Nile"

"If Neo would have taken the blue pill, The Matrix would've been the exact same movie, except he'd have had a hard on the whole time."

"That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that."

"Just found out men can have sex at 88..... which is handy cos I live at 94 so it's not far to walk home after."

"Hey guys where do Chemists come from? ... From the *Stork*iometry. I'll see myself out now."

"A new study shows that un-vaccinated children are less likely to be autistic because they are more likely to be dead."