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Joke of the Day

"Dial Up Connection Was the original Dubstep."

"Well it's that time of year again when the 80 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of fucking socks."

"Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid? Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times."

"I saw a midget carrying a TV to his car I asked him: ""Do you need some help carrying that plasma?"" He said: ""Fuck off asshole, it's an iPad"""

"What does a Seal drink at a bar? Anything but Canadian Club.."

"With a margin of error of plus or minus three percent. That's how I poll."

"'NO NO NO NO NO NO' - My brain, every time words start coming out of my mouth."

"Two Kentucky psychology majors were walking through the campus. ""Do you consider a 1441.Q. high?"" ""Yes!"" ""For the whole basketball team?"""

"I've never really got the point of herbs and seasoning... I just think it's a waste of thyme."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You osculate its tit a lot!"