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Joke of the Day

"Some guy who wasn't looking where he was going hit me with a stick today So I beat the shit out of him. And for good measure kicked his Labrador too."

"Thank you for clarifying that you'd bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with."

"My Korean friend died yesterday... So Yung..."

"What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water? One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink."

"Relationships are like algebra You always look at your x and try to figure out y."

"clutches my newly bought loaf of bread nervously as i walk past the duck pond"

"What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland? Wooden shoe like me to tell you. [Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]"

"So Boxing Day, its a magical time of year, when companies send you amazing emails with pictures of all the stuff you just brought from them, at half price."

"Woman finds out her husband is gay Wife: YOU'RE GAY?! WTF. I'm going out! Husband: Where are you going?! Wife: I'm going to find a real man! Husband: Well, don't forget to get me one too!"

"WAIT, THERE'S NOTHING IN THIS AIR AND SPACE MUSEUM!"