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Joke of the Day

"Some guy who wasn't looking where he was going hit me with a stick today So I beat the shit out of him. And for good measure kicked his Labrador too."

"Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn? The kernel was looking for him."

"Turns out Danny Devito isn't so short after all... ...just found out the figurines on his parents' wedding cake were actual size."

"What does Charlie Sheen say when he's having sex with a Vietnamese Lady? Nguyenning!"

"Light a fire for a man and he'll be warm for an hour... light him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"The best part of working out is the sweating and the pain and the feeling bad about myself and the burning desire to die"

"[robbers outside bank] When I said get some masks I meant something creepy like wolf masks ""But can't u feel your pores really opening up?"""

"Man I hate shower sex... Its hot, crowded, and i can never fit my junk into the faucet."

"Why does Snoop Dog always smile like he knows something you don't? Because he's been snooping around."

"The REAL 5 second rule? If you can get to it before the dog, it's yours."