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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar... ""A man walks into a bar and the bartender says""... ...""Stop speaking in third person Jaqen"""

"When an intoxicated person is blabbering, 60% of whatever he/she says is true."

"What's the difference between 6 inches and 12 inches? 6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak."

"*scrolls ur TL* *finds ur tweet from 2 yrs ago.* *eerily similar to mine from day before* ""She stole my tweet AND built a time machine?!"""

"Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is ""conjoined twins""."

"I didn't use to eat babies. I still don't. I just didn't use to as well."

"""Stay strong!"" I said to my wi-fi signal."

"I just got a great deal on a Ray Rice jersey The price couldn't be beat"

"You're so fat, when you sat on an iPod . . . It turned into an ipad. If you don't like my joke, you should really lighten up."

"Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold until your battery is dead."