211093

Joke of the Day

"Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is ""conjoined twins""."

"James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying."

"My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale."

"An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough"

"All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love."

"I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential."

"TIL Doug Liman will be directing an adaptation of the Passion story for 2017, with Matt Damon as Jesus Christ. Bourne is the King of Israel!"

"What happens when batman takes viagra? The dark knight rises"

"What's Glenn's favorite fast food? Popeyes!"

"Did you hear about the new wine that the Taliban is selling in the US to help fund its war efforts? They call it ""White Infidel."""