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Joke of the Day

"Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything."

"Big shoutout to the Red Robin waitress who checked my ID and immediately ruined the moment by saying, ""Wow you're, like, older than my dad!"""

"Q: What's the definition of a teenager? A: God's punishment for enjoying sex."

"SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?"

"Did you see the new joke posted on reddit? It's almost 3 years old"

"What's the fastest liquid on earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you can even see it."

"Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 12 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while."

"A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey!"" The horse replies, ""you read my mind!"""

"I went to the doctor the other day wearing nothing but clingfilm ....... I sat down, the doctor turned and looked at me to say ""Clearly I can see your nuts!"""

"Sorry I rubbed your belly for good luck, wealth and prosperity."