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Joke of the Day

"How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed."

"The longest I've been sober is 5 years... ...then I turned six years old"

"No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute."

"Y'know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does."

"Is there a button you can push to take back when you're accidentally nice to someone, so they know you still hate them?"

"Guys with huge dongs are just compensating for their tiny cars."

"""You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder."" ""Look, I'm a lot of things--"" ""Are you a murderer?"" [bites lower lip] ""Little bit."""

"Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!"

"Did you hear about the doctor who fell into a well? He should have been attending to the sick and left the well alone."

"Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts."