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Joke of the Day

"Is there a button you can push to take back when you're accidentally nice to someone, so they know you still hate them?"

"missed connection: you walked by my house and saw me drinking from the hose. please respond with the hose color so I know it's you"

"There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people"

"It's great to get laid, It's awesome to get off, but damn it sucks to get laid off."

"Roses are red, violets are blue... 9/11 was an inside job."

"You hate it ""No I just didn't think we'd spend our anniversary here"" *pssss* ""What was that?!"" The bouncy castle is deflating"

"What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!"

"I was watching the women's Golf earlier. They couldn't drive, but boy, can they use an iron."

"If I ever get a dog, I'll name her Robbery When I get to store, I'll tell ""Get down, Robbery"". Dog lies and the whole store too."

"What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says ribbit ribbit the other one says rub-it rub-it!"