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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts."

"Her : You hang up first. nnMe : *click*"

"How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe"

"To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential."

"What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn."

"Yesterday I went rollerblading, and I ran into batman. So I say ""Oy! Batman! Come skate with me! . . . "" But Batman just says ""I'M NOT WEARING HOCKEY PADS!"""

"The other day, someone called me an oxymoron. I was raging calm."

"From my 9yr old You must be from the south...cause your the only Ten-I-See. kids got game."

"""Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes"" - me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out"

"Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How'd that work out for him?"