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Joke of the Day

"[god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?"

"Q: What do you call it when a book spies on people? A: A peeping tome."

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!"

"What is the best thing to wear with a Michel Jackson jacket? Your Billie Jeans"

"Who would win a knife fight between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton? Everyone!"

"I don't know why I even bother having an iPhone anymore. It spends so much time on charge, you might as well call it a landline."

"Knock Knock... ""Come in!"""

"Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs."

"My wife reckons that recently I have become an awkward, arrogant cunt, and she just can't understand me. Seems like my French classes are going really well."

"Drinking this No More Tears shampoo is just making me sadder."