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Joke of the Day

"Smallpox sounds so adorable"

"How do you circumcise a Hill-Billy? You kick his sister in the jaw."

"""I am cleaning up my friends list"" should be changed to ""I'm notifying you that you should give me attention and argue your friendship level to me."""

"Ellen pao and reddit admins walk into a bar... Everyone was happy to see them and had a great time once they were there... Ill also accept ...and then the bar burned down..."

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"I'm at an awkward weight I'm fat enough to not look good with my shirt off, but not fat enough for it to become part of my charm. I'm caught between a rock and a lard place."

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Both have a 1 in 2 millon chance of being a person someday."

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"So this guy asked me why I was stirring my coffee with my dick... I told him, ""Shut up, I ordered a small for a reason!"""

"Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant"