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Joke of the Day

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop."

"My wife is my sex object Everytime i ask for sex, she object."

"Girl, my life is full of tragedy. In 1997, my girlfriend was killed by a guy named Sephiroth. AND she was our party's only healer :("

"What do you call a late teacher? Mr. Bus"

"Guys, if you forget your girl's birthday, just look into her eyes and say, ""I love you."" Then run, because that is not going to help."

"What is the one thing Spiderman can't eat? Uncle Bens rice."

"Whenever a character in a book praises the cleverness of another character's idea, it's really just the author praising their own idea."

"What did the geologist say to the Ginger after he evaluated her precious metal? Red, it gold."

"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential..."