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Joke of the Day

"Calculators are useless What I need is a calcunow"

"Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing. ""Ballroom?"" Dean asks. ""Not much,"" Sammy replies."

"The only drinking problem I have is not having enough money to keep buying it."

"Why are there so many cat photos online? Because Asians love to take a photo of their food before eating."

"My friends recently got some copy of his grandfather's auschwitz diaries. They're a little brief though. Day 1: Showers"

"Make the little things count... Teach midgets math."

"Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock's hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G scenes, did not float freely on her head."

"I'm addicted to wanking over leaflets. When I went into rehab, I got off to a flyer."

"What illness makes you sneeze on your laptop screen? A computer virus!"

"What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird!"