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Joke of the Day

"Time flies like an arrow ... Fruit flies like a banana"

"Moses: Thanks for the mana in the desert. God: No problem. Moses: But since you can make anything- God: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO PIZZA."

"Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket"

"This crunchy cat food tastes a lot like I just poured from the wrong packet into my cereal bowl."

"Pinocchio had 2 pets. He had a cat named mittens and a dog named champ. He also had a wood pecker."

"3YO: ""How do babies get out of bellies?"" ME: ""Look! Ice cream!"" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: ""How do babies get out of be---"""

"Why did ISIS stop looting viagra? The goats all died."

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only 1 hand? because she is moaning with the other."

"What is the Similarity between McDonalds and Anal sex? When we were young, we were told McDonalds was fine for us. But when we grew up... we found out it wasn't at all!"

"what do you call a pissed off group of door handles? An angry knob"