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Joke of the Day

"Some people get their friends to do their bidding by offering favors or compensation. I just threaten to throw their iPhones in the toilet."

"The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute."

"What's the lightest thing in the world? The penis, Because we can lift it with a thought."

"What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team? Ciabatta very good!"

"A man's Wife says that she wants something that goes from 0-180 in under 10 seconds.. The man leaves for a moment and then returns with the scale from their bathroom."

"How do you call the guy who immigrates to Saudi Arabia? Wannabee Wahhabi."

"Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)"

"How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe? No- Good. Yes- That's too much."

"What do call a whore in Alaska? An eskihoe"

"The Road Runner is a pretentious, cocky fucking asshole and deserves to be eaten. Beep beep that shit, motherfucker."