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Joke of the Day

"I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood."

"I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe."

"After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I'm like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle."

"There's an app for everything today except premature ejaculation but I hear that it's coming soon"

"The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years."

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""

"There's a silver lining for survivors of the Nepal earthquake... They felt the city breaking, And everybody was shaking, But they were stayin' alive. Stayin' alive."

"Did you hear about that new supervillain, The Weather Man? I hear he's taking the world by storm"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."

"Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender? Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished."