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Joke of the Day

"What did one dick say to the other dick? Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts."

"There are always two ways to look at things. I prefer to look at them my way."

"[At restaurant] I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! But I'm on a diet so... [To waiter] Do you have diet horse?"

"What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being retarded."

"we are the animals that forgot we were animals"

"Me: I'm hot blooded check it and see got a fever of 103! 911: Did u call earlier about having a bad case of loving me? M: maybe 911: stop"

"I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice while on vacation. My gondolences."

"Hooked up with a Medium at a bar last night I think phony was a fake because she didn't see me coming."

"What do you call a person with short-term memory loss? I forget..."

"What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails? Snout about!"