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Joke of the Day

"Why do stoners love couches? Because of their 'cush'ions!"

"Our relationship is like an extra chromosome It's all downs from here"

"When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked."

"Just got 30 orange oval stickers printed that read NOW HAMSTER FREE I'm putting them on all the meatloaf packages in this supermarket"

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"How can you find the blind guy at a nudist colony? It's not hard"

"When I study, I highlight with a black permanent marker, forcing my brain to memorize that shit."

"I'm optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket."

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba-dum-tiss "

"""No points, illegal kick to the face."" ""But I'm the hero of this movie."" ""Fair enough, here's your trophy."" -The Karate Kid"