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Joke of the Day

"""No points, illegal kick to the face."" ""But I'm the hero of this movie."" ""Fair enough, here's your trophy."" -The Karate Kid"

"Person on this home improvement show said everybody needs ""a good screwing surface."" Can't argue with that logic."

"I'm a lot like a midget orgy I've got a lot of short comings."

"""There are plenty more fish in the sea."" Terrible way to console a recently-dumped environmentalist who knows overfishing means otherwise."

"Food preferences area curious thing, I realized that I don't like chocolate anymore ... on the day when I noticed that I don't fit anymore into my old apartment."

"[meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary"

"Hey baby, is your name Polio? Because I am stiff below the waist"

"Unlimited data is better than unlimited drama, and that's why I love my phone."

"What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday? Saturday Night Fever."

"What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing? Nothing. Dressings don't have arms"