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Joke of the Day

"Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: ""Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days"" ""Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"""

"A magical tractor is driving down a road... and turns into a field."

"'I'm sorry' and ""My bad"" mean the same thing ... except at a funeral."

"I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been banged more than a snooze button on Monday morning."

"How come jokes about Blacks and Hispanics aren't funny? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal"

"What book is better when you read it drunk? Tequila Mockingbird."

"Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun."

"The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length."

"When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, ""Thumb War"" is not the answer they were looking for."