103909

Joke of the Day

"My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own."

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair"

"When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time."

"Was just told to take my labor day decorations down. I guess a giant inflatable woman giving birth in your front yard is tacky or something."

"My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles."

"If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital."

"Q: What did the finger say to the thumb? A: I'm in glove with you."

"I was going to do the dishes but they weren't in the mood."

"ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us"

"CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps ""Latest Speculative News"" or ""We Really Don't Know Shit"" would work. CNN call me."