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Joke of the Day

"He: ""I'll catch a grenade for you."" She: ""Prove it."" He: *Plays Call of Duty*"

"Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one."

"Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn't going over too well."

"Dear Johnson & Johnson: Ejacu-lotion Please DM me for my address to send royalties checks."

"I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive."

"What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!"

"Father: Son, it's time we talked about sex. Son: Sure, Dad, what do you want to know?"

"My body is a temple But only because it hates Palestine. *Anthony Jeselnik*"

"[restaurant] ME: Excuse me, this alphabet soup tastes funny WAITER: Well it is Comic Sans"

"ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude"