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Joke of the Day

"Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang So I shot him.."

"I got in touch with my inner self today. I'm never using cheap toilet paper again."

"My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet."

"Hey street performer, try juggling life and a real job"

"My jokes are like straws They suck."

"After hearing all this stuff about Russia being upset I'm just like... Oh Putin, Crimea river."

"What do you call a crocodile who always lies? A croc o' shit."

"German Girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!"

"Joe sent me to John this morning... Boy was that meeting complete shit!"