103239

Joke of the Day

"4yo has repeated one word for an hour. 6yo is ninja fighting his imaginary friend. My move to a mental asylum will be an easy transition."

"My son likes to kick things. He really needs a dog or a wife."

"Autocarrot sucks!"

"Nephew drops my iPad, doesn't say sorry but proceeds to offer me a biscuit. His future in Politics is secure."

"Sorry I haven't been able to get back to you, I've been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It."

"They were just called ranch doritos until they started smoking parliaments and listening to mumford and sons"

"Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States? Because Missouri loves company"

"Today is the best day to propose to your girl... If she accept, its your luck! If not, tell her its April fools!"

"You haven't seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting."

"[looks up at arresting officer] are you mad at me"