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Joke of the Day

"Four years ago I asked a girl out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"What is the most simplistic way to get downvoted? > simplistic 10 letters"

"The doctor said I have only a month to live so I shot him. the judge gave me 50 years"

"Ever tried eating a clock? It's time consuming."

"Bloody Mary used to be Virgin Mary."

"COP: Nobody on the main floor. Let's check upsta-- GIRAFFE COP: Nobody upstairs"

"Don't play with a girl's heart she only has one play with her tits, she has two of those."

"What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby? The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood."

"""The Emperor is naked!"" cried a child Silence was the answer. There were only him and Emperor in the bedroom."

"""Brian did you remove some of the thread from your shirt logo?"" Me: [clearly enjoying people calling me the Hug Boss] what? No probably not"