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Joke of the Day

"A man calls in sick... ""It's my eyes,"" he says. ""What's wrong with them?"" his boss asks. ""I just can't see myself coming to work today."""

"Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door."

"My brain is like Internet Explorer Slow, rarely used, and needs some things deleted from its history"

"Why couldn't the chameleon change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"I climbed a mountain yesterday Things were looking up until I got to the summit. It was all downhill from there."

"I don't have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is ""blender without the lid on""."

"Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife"

"Fucking kids these days is not an appropriate answer to ""what have you been up too"""

"In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering ""I don't know how you eat that shit""."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Him: why did the chicken cross the road? Her: I don't know. Him: to go to the shops. Do you think that's funny? Her: No. Him: neither did the chicken."