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Joke of the Day

"Fucking kids these days is not an appropriate answer to ""what have you been up too"""

"How do you get a mermaid pregnant? You fuck her."

"I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!"

"Why was the skeleton using the Internet? To bone up on his schoolwork."

"independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas"

"There's a band called 1023MB... You might have heard of them... But memory fades."

"If you're not supposed to drink shampoo why do they make it in such pretty colors?"

"My favorite Jobs: 1. Blow 2. Steve"

"I hate that ""You know what to do"" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad."

"Wearing shades inside makes me look cool, right? *Trips over the cat*"