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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever on Jeopardy I hope the final category isn't ""Can You Tell These Mumford & Sons Songs Apart."""

"The labels on prescription bottles are just suggestions, like speed limits."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Allegra ! Allegra who ? Allegra is broken !"

"Walked past a hero turned to stone I guess the gods took him for granite"

"What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy woman who's on her period? You get your palm red for free."

"What did the spanish teacher say to his one student, who was a member of the cartel? Where is my essay?"

"People always give bridge builders a hard time... They're just trying to make ends meet."

"If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin."

"I went to the library today and asked for a book on manners. The librarian replied, ""We haven't got any, so fcuk off."""

"Why is the ocean salty? Because the land doesn't wave back."