102355

Joke of the Day

"Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it ""defantely"""

"God once put his dick in a box as a gift and called it the Omnipresent."

"What's the difference between my wife and a dead baby? I didn't kill the baby for not shutting the fuck up."

"Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]"

"the best feeling in the world is when someone u hate tells a joke and nobody laughs"

"[death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man"

"I'm always Frank with my partners. I don't want them knowing my real name now do I?"

"1. Sit down next to stranger on park bench. 2. Place an envelope beside him. 3. Whisper, ""It has to look like an accident."" 4. Walk away."

"They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years."

"Why can you RAN in a campsite, but never RUN in a campsite? Because it's always past-tents."