141211

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my wife and a dead baby? I didn't kill the baby for not shutting the fuck up."

"Did you hear about that kid that had sex with his teacher? Yeah, he recently died from hi-fiving."

"Jokes What kind of bees make milk"

"We're having sweet potato fries with dinner ""Haha sweet potatoes?"" DON'T ""Don't what?"" You're gonna make a dumb potato pun ""I YAM NOT!"""

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet with intelligent life - lets just make patterns in their crop and leave."

"Happy 34% of Americans Tuesday."

"My Dr. wrote me a prescription My Dr. Wrote me a prescription for daily sex, but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"*grandma climbs into time machine* *shuts the door behind her* MOM NANA IS STUCK IN THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK AGAIN"

"If two lesbians get married, who does the cooking? Neither, they both eat out."