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Joke of the Day

"I've just achieved a week and counting without Reddit! I just had to tell you guys of my accomplishment!"

"I have beautiful children Thank god my wife is having affairs"

"My doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake... ...but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt."

"What's the difference between Jesus in real life and Jesus in a picture frame? It only takes one nail to hang up Jesus in a picture frame."

"Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?"

"Under what circumstance is mass a unit of time? Church"

"I've invented a new sex position: the 114 I was 69ing with this girl wen her husband came home and shoved a 45 up my ass"

"My husband doesn't believe me that the Bible instructs him to make the coffee in the morning. It's there, clear as day. Hebrews."

"18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?"

"I'm wearing black today so powdered sugar donuts seem like a solid choice."