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Joke of the Day

"*to commander* Don't say anything too loud sir I suspect one of our men may be a plant *conspicuous tree in admiral uniform starts to sweat*"

"Asking your stay-at-home wife what exactly she did all day is a fun way to bleed."

"Hey Terminator, who are you dressing up as for the musical fancy dress? I'll be Bach"

"Behold the nuclear arsenal of North Korea and Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un! The very Earth quakes in terror!"

"What do you call two gay Irishmen? Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald"

"Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security... Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!"

"Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road? There are skidmarks before the dog."

"How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays? He just quit eating cold turkey."

"What would you call two banana skins ? A pair of slippers."

"What does a fish say when it hits a concrete wall? Dam."