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Joke of the Day

"what did the grape say when it got stepped on? nothing, it just let out a little whine"

"*walks in on son making batman & iron man action figures kiss* wtf? ""dad i can explain"" u should never EVER mix the dc & marvel universes"

"I organized a threesome the other day. A couple of people didn't show, but I still had fun."

"-currently looking for an adult -Realizing I'm an adult -Now looking for an older adult -Someone successful at adulting -An adultier adult"

"Anything u say can & will be used against u, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I'm a woman. And, we never forget. Anything. Ever."

"How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them? They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs."

"My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know."

"How Many Surrealists Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb? Fish"

"So a pirate walks into a bar, he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender goes: ""What are you doing with that thing?"" The pirate responds: ""Arr, its been drivin' me nuts."""

"What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common? They can both live off a dead bear for years."