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Joke of the Day

"When I play poker, it turns out a lot like when I poop when there's no toilet paper... I get shit hands"

"Cell phone. Recliner. Beer. Not at work. This homeless guy is living the dream from what I can tell."

"Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me."

"Q: What are swearing outdoor grills powered with? A: Profane tanks."

"Mexican artists were hired to make Donald Trump look more ""authentic"" to the Mexican demographic. So they drew a bunch of penises on his face."

"cops should have two guns to get rid of crime faster . cops should be dual wielding by 2016"

"Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter"

"Superman: How'd you know? Lex: Know what? S: My secret identity! L: Whaddya mean? S: You called me a KENT!! L: That's NOT what I called you."

"How come Barbie never got pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."

"I woke up this morning wearing a red fuzzy wig, giant oversized shoes and a red nose. I think I must have slept funny."