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Joke of the Day

"Maybe I'll starting bringing a spray bottle and treat them like misbehaving cats. ""NO!"" *Shoots person in face*"

"There are three flies in the kitchen. Which one is the cowboy? It's the one on the range."

"Thank you, slow walking family in front of me on the footpath, No please, take your time.... and definitely spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots."

"""It doesn't make any sense... but does it make a dollar?"", says the marketing manager."

"Me and my wife are getting a divorce so we are splitting the house ... She gets the inside. I get the outside."

"What do Mexicans use to slice pizza? Little Caesers"

"What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get? Mourning wood! :)"

"They should make an iPad with a fold-open keyboard that can sit on your lap."

"I've just wrecked myself. I wish I'd checked myself beforehand."

"You know what the most infuriating thing ever is? [removed]"