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Joke of the Day

"I've just wrecked myself. I wish I'd checked myself beforehand."

"I had a little bird, her name was enza, I opened up the window and influenza."

"To be fair, ""old-fashioned"" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist."

"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."

"Saltwater The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10 percent enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty."

"What did one snowman say to another snowman... Do you smell carrots!?"

"Confucius say lucky girl is girl who meet boy in park and lucky boy is boy who park meat in girl"

"What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home."

"One day I mixed my girlfriend up with flour and butter then I stirred in some milk and sugar. She's scone now..."

"Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel."