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Joke of the Day

"As a kid I could never understand why my mother would not let me play near the train tracks across the street from my house. Then it hit me."

"Sometimes I get scared robots are going to take over. Then I use a motion-controlled sink."

"The toothbrush was probably invented in Arkensas Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."

"Some of you are like family to me. I don't want you calling me either."

"People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

"I banged my co-worker... Guess my Dad was right, I am a little shit eater."

"What Do You Call An Arrogant NASA Employee? A Nas-hole!"

"You've said it before and I'll say it again -Plagiarists"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music! His newest album is titled, ""I'll Be Bach."""

"Which movie is on every man's bucket list? Die Hard"