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Joke of the Day

"*petting a dog* So how long have you been blind, officer? *gets arrested*"

"What does Neil Patrick Harris call his toilet? His Dookie Houser"

"JKLMNOPQRST That's all that stands between U and I :)"

"I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What's not to like?"

"I don't get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There's never any left when he comes home. Idiot."

"Running through a campground is impossible. You can only ran, because it's past tents."

"God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked ""Earth"". The avocado drops out of his sandwich."

"What do a mosquito and my ex have in common? They both try to suck you dry, try to have babies with your DNA, and then you find them sucking off someone else."

"I got kicked out of my Community Theatre group when the female director asked to see me limp. How was I to know she was talking about walking?"

"I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone else%3ss eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone else"