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Joke of the Day
"Someone you don't care about just listened to a song you don't like on Spotify!"
Next Joke
"Two rules for success 1. Never reveal everything you know"
"To prepare her for real life I make my daughter pretend to tweet on a toy phone when she's taking a crap."
"Ebay is challenging to use . . . (x-post from F7U14) I searched for lighters, and I got 72,816 matches!"
"I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love."
"If I ever get a dog, I'll name her Robbery When I get to store, I'll tell ""Get down, Robbery"". Dog lies and the whole store too."
"Karen on Facebook says, ""2014 is going sooooo well!"" Personally, I've already fcuked up 2014, and a good chunk of 2015, so go fcuk yourself Karen."
"Stop smiling so big in every photo of you. You can't be that happy all the time. Smile like a normal person who isn't a raging psychopath"
"What is the best celebration to have in a French Toilet? A biday party!!"
"Sign language is a pretty handy skill"