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Joke of the Day

"Stop smiling so big in every photo of you. You can't be that happy all the time. Smile like a normal person who isn't a raging psychopath"

"A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on... He approaches a young woman. ""What are you doing, creep?"" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says ""Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."""

"Gabriel ""Really? That's how you want humans to reproduce?"" God ""Trust me. It will be hilarious."""

"A joke I've been working on. So a guy dies in a car wreck. He wakes up waiting in a line labeled automotive accidents. The guy in front of him and says "" You from South Carolina too?"""

"What is the worst place to go on Black Friday? Awnser: Home Depot They have power tools lol"

"Did you hear about that new species of mosquito? It's called the Nickelback, it really sucks."

"They should make a breathalyzer that can tell if you've consumed energy drinks so it's easier for the cops to catch rapists."

"THREE LAWS OF SCIENCE: 1. IF IT SMELLS BAD IT'S CHEMISTRY 2. IF ITS MUSHY IT'S BIOLOGY 3.IF IT DOESNT WORK ITS PHYSICS"

"Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication."

"Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?"