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Joke of the Day

"*Police bust through door* -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR -WAIT, WHY!? -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!"

"Changed ex's name in my cell to Do Not Engage. Unfortunately, his middle name Not doesn't show up when he texts."

"""I want u so badly"" - Scrabble players with a q in their rack."

"A deer walks into a bar 3 people leave realizing how dangerous a deer in a bar is."

"What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his Greek sandwich? There goes my gyro"

"Some jerk called me ""pretentious"" so I called him a ""planktupus."" I can make up nonsense words too."

"What kind of degrees do slaves get in college? Their Master's."

"Nobody's gonna believe this, but I just saw a 20 something year old white girl without bangs."

"Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh."

"My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks"