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Joke of the Day

"Some jerk called me ""pretentious"" so I called him a ""planktupus."" I can make up nonsense words too."

"Why is Obama left-handed? Because blacks have no rights"

"My sex life That is all"

"I just put the L earbud in my right ear and the R in my left ear and every punchline I came up with for this joke sucked ass."

"How do you call Bob the Builder when he is unemployed? Bob"

"Donald Trump, candidate for President, reaffirmed for America that we shouldn't worry about the size of his genitals. Now that's classy... With a capital KKK."

"I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web."

"My Doctor Told Me I'd Have To Stop Masturbating . . . I'm like, ""What? I thought it was OK!"" He goes, ""Yeah, sure, but I'm trying to examine you!"""

"On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?"

"Me: ""you hang up"" Her: ""no you hang up"" Me: ""no you hang up"" Her: ""no y-"" Jail clerk: ""sir, you only get one phone call."""