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Joke of the Day

"Changed ex's name in my cell to Do Not Engage. Unfortunately, his middle name Not doesn't show up when he texts."

"Well, Norah on FB has decided to continue her thankfulness through December and I have decided to key her car after dinner"

"Einstein wrote a theory about Space... It was about time too!"

"What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me."

"I tried dating a stenographer but she wasn't my type"

"- I'd like to make a reservation. - Name? - Matthew McConaughey. - Can you spell that for me? - No."

"So I told my secretary.... to go buy me a fighting stick, but the best he could find was a walking stick. Honestly you can't get the staff."

"Sorry I can't attend your Facebook event, I'll be busy throwing myself off a cliff that day."

"My boyfriend is like an iPhone 7 Just jacks off"

"What did the gay guy with Alzheimer's ask his partner? Where did I drop the soap?"