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Joke of the Day
"Why did the calendar die? It's days were numbered."
Next Joke
"Sex is a big joke. I just don't get it."
"I really wish my coworker would stop asking me so many god damn work related questions while I'm staring at my phone"
"I used to think ""I hope I don't do anything stupid."" Now it's more like ""I hope whatever stupid shit I do at least fits in a tweet."""
"5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*"
"Is your ass the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty? Cause your booty is disarming"
"I think I've figured out Dr Who's first name Guess"
"You wanna hot body? You wanna Bugatti? You wanna Maseratti? Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears."
"My wife asked me to play doctor with her... ...she is now waiting for three hours in front of the bedroom."
"eer booze and fun!' 'An Indian a Rabbi the Pope an Italian and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says ""What is this... some kind of joke?"""