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Joke of the Day
"(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rolling. They hating."
Next Joke
"My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants"
"The ex says he's come into some money and can finally ""take care"" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?"
"When I was a kid... ... I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out."
"[Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo"
"Oh my God! Honey, the baby just said ""Dada!"" Wait, why is he using air quotes?"
"Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better. CAN'T WAIT!"
"Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through his opening monologue without laughing"
"The difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathtub? one has hope in her soul."
"Have you heard about the new movie, ""Constipation""? It hasn't come out yet."