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Joke of the Day

"What would the news headline be if virginity could be restored? Unfucking Believable?"

"When your mate says his name is Stephen with a 'ph' to the cashier and he gets his Starbucks cup back reading 'PHEVEN'. That."

"COP: Know why I stopped you? ""Drag racing?"" COP: Nope. ""Speeding?"" COP: Definitely not. ""Cuz I'm on a unicycle?"" COP: That's the one."

"How did you come up with your reddit username? I made mine when I stopped giving a shit"

"Some gamers think that it's wrong to cheat... but i think its down right left triangle up square down left square right circle cross"

"If you're suddenly feeling warm and wet, it might be because I put your Voodoo doll somewhere warm and wet."

"A duck walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender says ""cash or credit ?""... ...the ducks says ""put it on my bill""."

"Why doesn't God like grapefruit? Because he doesn't fucking exist."

"Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it."

"During love scenes in a Wes Anderson movie, the sound effects guy rubs a baguette against corduroy."