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Joke of the Day

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. She thinks to herself, 'Some asshole's got my pen.'"

"College is just a clever marketing ploy by Starbucks and Red Bull"

"what currency does the sun use? starbucks"

"Physics 101: Heat expands objects.. You're fat.. you're hot"

"Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine? He had forgotten to take them."

"Where do people send crazy cigarettes? To the menthol institution"

"What's a muslim's favourite game? Goat Stimulator"

"How do you drowned a hipster? Throw them in the mainstream. Edit: spelling because I'm 5"

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: He wanted to win the no bell prize!"

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourette's Society... It's the thought that cunts!"