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Joke of the Day

"I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140."

"I became friends with a Lovecraftian alien.... It was a Mi-Go."

"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator!"

"I'll do anything to prove I'm not lazy. I'll go the whole three yards."

"Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)"

"Karma may ""work"" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off"

"What's pink and has seven dents in it? Snow white's hymen"

"What's the difference between an engineer and a prostitute? An engineer makes a lot of fucking money, whereas a prostitute could make a lot of money fucking."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they're both stuck up cunts."

"What do a fly and a boner have in common? You can't go to sleep without whacking it."