100052

Joke of the Day

"Fast and Furious [NSFW] I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident. I guess next time I should be the one driving."

"I can't believe after all this shit they're still together! Our ass-cheeks really deserve some respect."

"Sir, the children at the petting zoo are unhappy. They think our animals are lame *stares off into distance* We're gonna need a bigger goat"

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""

"Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth."

"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli."

"Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner? Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating."

"[1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist"

"After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says (-1)/8"

"What do you call the new policing strategy of communities such as Ferguson, Missouri? A shot in the dark."